Here I go again....

So last week I ended up in the ER and got some test done. They called my Doc and he told them to tell me to just come see him the next day. This was the 9th, so on the 10th I went to see him to find out what the scan I had done ment and every thing. Well finale word is that it is cancer and once again things are in rush mod for me to try and save my life. I have a tumor in my lymph node that is 3cm and pushing against my right pulmonary artery. What does that mean you might be asking yourself... well it means that depending on how i am sitting, standing, walking, sleeping ect depends on how much pressure the tumor will put on my artery which in turn will determine how much blood gets threw to my heart, brain, lungs ect. So this tumor is the cause of my chest pain, my black outs, my coughing, my numbness and every thing. I got to be in what I thought was remission for all of a month but still continued to get treatment so I have no had a break and I have to now start all over. My body is to weak for chemo so we will start radiation. Today I go and get a sim done and for the next week or so i have a huge list of appiontments to go to.

I feel like past year has been for nothing cause here I am starting over.

Admitted....

So yesterday I got sent to the ER for a nosebleed and ended up admitted to the hospital. All my counts where to low and I needed to see the ent. I wont go into detail about what's going on, cause frankly you all pretty much know. But some thing did happen today that... i don't know... That I thought I would never let get to me.

I was coming up in the elevator, in my own clothes ( not a hospital thingy), in a wheelchair, with my mask on to be brought to my room. In the elevator there was me and my tiny little transport guy. We got on it at floor 1 and there was a doctor looking lady who had pressed to go to 3. well the elevator stopped at 2 and she hurried out of it like a bad outa hell the guy pointed out it was only 2 and she had pressed 3, she said while hauling ass "o don't worry about it ill take the stairs". OK I thought... I am just being sensitive she didn't get out because of me. maybe she did...honestly don't know what I do know is we got to floor 3 and there where a family, a man, woman and their small child. There was PLENTY of room in the elevator for them but they took one look at me grab their kid and said "we will wait for the next one" and staired at me in disgust while we waited for the door to close. They looked at me like I would infect them if they got in the elevator with me. I have never let this get to me because I know people are so fucking ignorant but today the looks on their faces I was just not in the mood to deal with. I am not contagious people, I have cancer not TB, I am not disgusting just because I don't have any hair due to chemo for my cancer. It's not a fashion statement, I'm not trying to "rebel" I wear a mask not to make you afraid of me but because I am afraid of YOU. I can't hurt you but what you don't know you have or are carrying can KILL me. Think about that the next time you look at me and judge me but have no clue what I am going threw.

Xmas....

So I had my last chemo a couple of days before xmas and my platelets where very low so there was a worry of me bleeding out but I have made it past a great xmas and to now and no brushing or bleeding! My next dr. appointment is on the 10th and for once i am only nervous about my counts. I am hoping to make it to that appointment without incident even if that means staying home for new years. Sad but has to be done this year but I will have fun with my babes and lots of video games and hopefully fireworks! O and my dr finally fixed my sleeping issue i am sleeping way more then i was able to before thank goodness. I am excited about Jan being cervical cancer awareness month because I don't think there is enough awareness about this cancer like there is for others like breast and prostate. So every one wear your teal!! :P

Soup for the Soul....

Yesterday I made Portuguese kale soup for my family that came over. I wasn't sure how it was gonna turn out but I loved it, so I thought I would share.

Ingredients

• 1 tablespoon olive oil
• 1 tablespoon finely chopped garlic
• 1/2 cup diced onions
• 1 bunch kale, stemmed and roughly chopped
• 6 ounces chopped chourico (spicy Portuguese sausage), or chorizo
• 3 bay leaves
• 2 tablespoons chopped fresh parsley leaves
• 2 tablespoons chopped fresh thyme leaves
• 6 cups beef stock
• 6 ounces diced tomatoes
• 10 ounces diced potatoes

Directions

In a large stock pot, heat the oil over medium-high heat. Add the garlic, onions, and cook for 5 minutes. Add the kale, chourico, bay leaves, parsley and thyme and mix well. Add the beef stock, and tomatoes. Bring the soup to a boil, and then reduce the heat to low and simmer for 30 to 40 minutes.

Meanwhile, in a medium saucepan, bring salted water to a boil and add the diced potatoes. Cook until tender, about 10 minutes. Drain the potatoes and add them to the soup.
Remove the bay leaves and serve hot.

you can add more veggies if you like at the same time you put in the tomatoes!

Information....

I was looking for answers and to reach out and just talk to people that are going threw what I am. I came upon this site whatnext.com It is run by the American cancer society. Threw it I also found a suport group on facebook for women with my condition! It's been great, so I thought I would share!

One more chemo....

so next week I will have my last chemo. I can feel myself getting stronger but at the same time I feel so sick and emotionally I can feel my self going into self destruct mode so to speak. I am reaching out and hopefuly that will help because no one around me really understands. Not that all of you aren't very supportive because you are and I love you for that but you think I should feel a certain way and for some reason that I am not sure of I just can't seem to do that.... I will update you after chemo next week for now I am gonna focus on tomorrow! I get to see my sisters after soooo long I am very excited about that!

Let's Try This Again......

So tomorrow I go to chemo to try once again to get chemo. I will get my blood drawn and if my levels are good I will get it. Doing my 1st 2 weeks of nursing class at home due to the amount of pain I am in. Thanks giving was good got to be with the family and not in the hospital so that's always a plus.