I'll start by starting at the beginning. In Dec of 2010 I was diagnosed with Cancer. Just 15 months after giving birth to my youngest child Abbigale. It was probably the most devastating thing that has ever happened to me but I dealt with it pretty well. I can remember that day like it just happened. They finally did my pelvic exam after months and months of me bleeding and the doctor leaves for me to get dressed and comes back in and just blurts out that I have cervical cancer and leaves. All I could think was " how can you just come in and say that to me and then just walk away and not help me understand this". After that it took them about a month to finally get me to an oncologist. When I started at the Lakeland cancer center the doctors there are amazing and started my treatment right away. During my first round of chemo and radiation I was sent for many MRI's, CAT scans and blood transfusions and was so sick I could barley get out of bed. After one of these scans, I came in for my radiation.... it was a Monday and my grandfather was sitting out in the lobby waiting for me when the Doctor said she needed to speak to me. I was not ready for what she was about to tell me. The scan had shown that there was cancer in my liver and my lung, which meant that I had stage 4 cancer. I again dealt with this very well, only really being scared of losing my children.
I did 35 treatments of external radiation, which when you have cervical caner you can not be shy because you are fully exposed to get this radiation but the girls I had where wonderful and respectful. I also had 3 internal radiation treatments, which if you have never had are HORRIBLE!! During this time I really thought about giving up. I was not on chemo but still recovering from it. There was about a 2 months period between the time I stopped chemo and the time I started coughing really bad. I went to the ER many times always going home with the same thing..... "you have bronchitis". No.... No I didn't have bronchitis..... They finally did another CT scan and came back to tell me the bad news.... My cancer in my lung had grew 1 cm. Between the news and my coughing I thought this is it. I was going to die.
That was a month ago. Today I am back on chemo and not coughing any more. I lost my hair over the weekend and I thought it was going to be ok and I am ok with it but when I get around large groups of people I just become overly paranoid. I should have been happy last Wednesday at my colleges award ceremony. I was getting my presidents award for having a 4.0 for the last 3 months. But all I could do was worry about who was looking, or talking or laughing at me.
This has been my fight so far....
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