Past few days...

I am starting to fell better now that things are starting to calm down. The more stress I have the more my symptoms act up. I had an allergic reaction to my blood transfusion, which gave me a rash all over me but that has passed thankfully... was tired of itching! lol

My grandmother got put into the hospital Sunday with CHF (congestive heart failure) and pneumonia. I am glad that she listens to my advice but I am not sure why me out of all of the family but I am glad she does because now shes getting the treatment she needs. I wish I could be at the hospital with her more so that I knew she was getting the best care and feel like I am letting her down by not being there.

When she was feeling very ill grandma said she was ready to give up.... that breaks my heart because on one hand I want to shake her and tell her you have to keep fighting..... for me for the grandbabies.... but on the other hand I can relate to how she feels and have come to realize when that time comes it is only her choice she can not continue to live for me or for any one else but herself just like I have had to tell bobby when the time comes where I have had enough he has to let it be my choice and just be as supportive as he can be which I know is a horribly hard thing to do in any case.

On another note having to go see a GI doctor to see if maybe that is where I am losing all my blood... it's like a vampire comes every night and just sucks the life out of me lol

" Tomorrow is another day but for today I am gonna keep on trying"

Blood Transfusion....

Yesterday I had my 3rd blood transfusion. My blood level was 7 and it needed to be over 10, so I got 3 units of blood. Every one says that this would help me feel soooo much better but so far I just feel tired and when I say tired I mean I slept all night and got up around 8am and was back in bed by 9:30am which I slept till 1pm. I am awake now but want so badly to just go back to bed.

I also started my shots again last night, this seems to be making me feel worse also and not any better. I think I have 2 more chemo treatments that I don't know if I can handle. The doctor warned me that the more I had chemo the worse I would feel but I did not expect to feel like I did the first time. because I had done so well this far.

I'll post more tomorrow just don't have the energy to do this.....

Results...

Today I had chemo.... Have I mentioned I hate chemo? But I also got to have a convo with my amazing dr.. If ny one is wondering his name is Dr. Boothby from the lakeland cancer center these people are amazing and have been wonderful, so if your looking for the best care this place is the best. lol Now backt o what I was talking about.

Dr. says that my CT scans came back wonderful. My lymph nodes are normal again in my lungs and the tumor in there has shrunk a lot, which mean the chemo is working. Down side if I stop chemo all the the tumors will just grow again and I would only have about a year to live. On top of chemo I am taking the immune shots again and on top of that I will get a blood transfusion of 3 units tomorrow. Hopefully this will give me the energy I need to get to school for my final week of phlebotomy.

I took my quiz yesterday and I pulled venis puncture with a vacutainer and I got an 100% yay I am trying very hard to not let every thing get to me so I can still focus on school.

Make's My Day.....

Today I went and picked up my oldest up from my mom's house and her explanation of her night was the cutest thing ever. She told me that she got to play with her BFF last night and eat cake and ice cream with my sister and her kids. She told me that her cousin Chase scared her and she in turn scared him and that he liked to read papa's books. She told me that she wants to take her cousin Arianna ( which is her BFF) swimming and to the park and have a sleep over. She was soooo excited that I just sat there and listened to her and enjoyed her excitement. It's times like this when my cancer takes a back seat. I become just a mom enjoying a conversation with her baby. It's days and times like that when I have hope and feel some what normal. I am so glad she had a good time with her cousins. Seeing her happy just makes my day!!

Some things have changed.....

It has been a few since I wrote last and a lot has changed and a lot has stayed the same. Me and my family moved into my husbands mom's house which is turning out to be wonderful for the kids. I am still on chemo and still have no hair. I started giving myself shots 2 weeks ago and go back for another treatment on the 22nd where they will take my blood and see if I need to do more shots to improve my white blood cell count. I am so tired of being tired which I am sure every one doing chemo can relate to. I am still in school and learning how to stick people which I am actually loving.


Emotionally I am all over the place. Some days I just don't want to do it any more, don't want to get out of bed and don't want to talk or see any one.

I hope I am ok enough to stop doing the shot because they are scary...... The 3rd night of taking them I took a pain med because they put me into a lot of pain and i went to bed. Around 9 I got up and went out side for what I told my husband was some air. I walked across the street to the park sat on a swing and then with in minutes I had no idea where I was. An hour later my husband found me after driving around for ever looking for me. I had asked a man walking down the street if he knew where I lived, of course he didn't even know who I was much less where I lived. It's scary to not know where or even who you are. The shots also made my anxiety go threw the roof. All some one had to do was talk to me about any thing that made me nervous or uncomfy and I would shake uncontrollably.

I was told about this drug who has helped people with stage 4 cancer. I am going to talk to my doctor about it because I am under the impression it is for people with lung cancer but we will see. Down side the major side effect is death. I will know more about where I will be after this round of chemo because I had 3 ct's down last Monday and will know the results on the 22nd.