Chemo....

So today I talked to the Doctor before chemo and he says that after my next one I have to go for more ct scans to see how my tumors are doing. He seems to think there is a good chance that they could just poof and be gone, me on the other hand I am very skeptical. Don't get me wrong I would love to be cancer free but it's hard to have that sort of optimism. So depending on the what the scans say will depend on doing more chemo.... and when I mean more I mean Doc says we keep going till my body can't take it any more :(

He says I can take a break cause bobby brought it to his attention that I am unhappy so to speak doing chemo all the time that I would like a break. Doc was ok with that but only a couple week break any thing more would mean growth. Some after my scans we will have a long conversation about chemo or no chemo. They actually call my 3 weeks between chemo's a "break" ha ha don't make me laugh!!!

Sitting here is a humbling experience. Here I am 27, hooked up to a machine that is " saving my life" and I am miserable.... They lady next to me... well she's so perky and upbeat that I feel horrible for being so sad and unhappy. Now to my other side is an older man ( much older.. I am the "baby" of this place so lol) He walks by me with a chemo nurse being a smart ass old man and she asks him "whats the matter" his replay " I am having a shitty day". I thought poor old man.... but no I thought wrong as he goes to leave because he was only getting his shot he shouts making all the nurses giggle and blush "I never had so much fun with my clothes still on!!" O my... again I feel so ungrateful sitting here unhappy, uncomfy, and sad.

~~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@ Intermission ~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@ 
Ok sorry about that folks when the meds started kicking in I passed out from lack of sleep last night. The kids had a ruff night both running fevers all night and even threw out today.

I am home from chemo now, was one of the last one's to leave. My babies are falling asleep after having their med's. Bobby Went with me and got to see how every thing goes and watch me sleep because I was out almost of whole time. My doc gave me a prescription for some med's to help me be more comfy when I use the potty so bobby went and dropped it off for me. When he got back he did not have good news. It would help so much with the bleeding and pain but cvs says sorry your insurance don't pay for this and it's 91$ a bottle :( not sure how big the bottle is but I do know I was supposed to use it 3 times a day but at 91 bucks a bottle I just can't afford that for med's, So I will deal..... I can do this! grr