Remission.....

So ( and yes  I know I start every blog with "so" :P ) My last chemo is Nov. 3rd and after that I will have a CT scan of my abdomen, chest, and pelvic again, this will show how my tumors are doing compared to last time I had the scans done. My doctor seems very optimistic about me going into remission and I should know before thanks giving if I am infact in remission or not. While I am not as optimistic as my doctor, only because I can't imagine being this sick and being in remission. I think I know my body pretty well even with the cancer taking over it but my doctor is a sweet man who is always very up beat and encouraging.

Remission scares the hell out of me!!!

For one even thought I will not feel 100% I will need to find a job because they don't give disability to people who are in remission. Don't get me wrong I don't mind working but I do mind still not being able to function properly to keep a job :( . For two I will spend every day wondering ..." is it coming back?" .. "Is that a symptom?"......." Am I getting sick again?"....." When will it come back?" ......"Will I catch it in time when it comes back?"  The questions are endless really. So where I would love to be cancer free (sort of) or in remission as they call it, I am scared to death of it. But on the same hand I am scared to death not to go into remission because as of December it will be my 1 year of my so called 5 year statistic which is also a scary thing to think about. Where has my year gone? I don't know.

On a none cancer note tomorrow starts our mission to be on a schedule... I know laughable but we need it. Not so much a timed one but there are certain things that need to be done during the day that are not getting done every day, so to solve that we put it in our day every day till it is habit. I think it will be great for the kids. But we will see how it goes.